Remember boaters are voters

15.05 in are, automated, Boat Plans, boaters, disagreement, experts, nightmare, remember, ship, the, voters, with

MY FRIENDS, a lot has been said recently about immigration and gun control. Much hot air has been released over who did what in Benghazi, and how to deal with Mr. Putin and ISIS. But what have our elected representatives done to ease the lot of suffering boatowners? Who has spoken a single word in favor of fewer taxes and more amenities for sailors and powerboaters?

Is this not wicked? Is this not discrimination? Is this not un-American behavior of the worst kind?

It’s as if Obama and Mr. Boehner have never heard of decent, hardworking owners of sailboats — people who live honest lives, pay their taxes, and contribute to the economy by consuming large amounts of beer.

A pox on such thoughtless politicians, I say. You can’t trust a presidential candidate who doesn’t sail. Have they never wondered what happens to old shellbacks when they are cruelly deprived of their beloved boats? They tell me that old golfers never die; they merely lose their balls. But what happens to sailors confronted with ever-rising slip fees and haulout charges? They can’t even afford to paint their own bottoms.

My friends, we must use the power of the vote to change this desperate state of affairs. We must let it be known that we want a president who can steer a ketch or at least helm a Sunfish. We want a Vice-President who can hand and reef and splice as well as take over the White House when the President is away playing golf in Hawaii. We want leaders who aren’t afraid to fight for a boat owner’s right to bop a banker on the bean when he tries to repossess a humble sloop or cutter.

My friends, in this present hour we are all gearing up to vote. If your candidates can’t sail, it probably means they have no hearts. Throw the bums out.

My name is John Vigor and I approve this message.

Today’s Thought

I tell you, Folks, all Politics is Apple Sauce.

— Will Rogers, The Illiterate Digest

Tailpiece

“She told me you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.”

“Aw gee, I told her not to tell you I told her.”

“You did? Well for goodness’ sake don’t tell her I told you she told me you told her.”

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Disagreement with the experts

13.48 in Boat Plans, boats, design, disagreement, experts, flaw, future, in, of, ships, small, the, with

TWO VERY EXPERIENCED ocean racers have agreed that it would be wise to criss-cross the cockpit of a yacht with ropes during a storm at sea.

I am a bit puzzled by this.

At first sight, I’m not sure it’s a good idea at all, but I would be foolish to argue with either of these men.The first is Warren Brown, of Bermuda, who owned a 40-foot ocean racer named Force Seven. She was designed by William Tripp, and she was overtaken by a hurricane between Bermuda and Newport, Rhode Island, in August 1964.

Warren is quoted in a famous book on the danger of deep-sea voyages called Heavy Weather Sailing, by K. Adlard Coles. Here are Warren’s own words:

“By 1700, steering had become extremely difficult, and of concern for the deck watch. We criss-crossed the cockpit completely with rope, giving handholds for every movement in this area as a safety measure additional to safety belts.” Force Seven was knocked down many times, and her cockpit was filled with water on several occasions, but she weathered the hurricane and eventually arrived safely in Newport.

The second experienced ocean racer is Adlard Coles himself, of course. In his book, Coles describes the cockpit lash-up as a “useful tip,”and adds: “It is not uncommon for part of the crew to be swept out of the cockpit if a yacht is knocked down in a heavy gale, and several went overboard in the gale of the Bermuda Race of 1960 . . . the criss-cross of ropes seems a practical idea to help prevent accidents of this sort.”

Well, I can see the sense of providing handholds for the cockpit crew, but how would they be able to move around in the cockpit with ropes strung like spider webs at or about waist level? I can’t imagine trying to move fore or aft by high-stepping over line after line. It would be bad enough with the boat at rest in harbor, but how would you do it at sea with the boat bucking and heeled over?  I also wonder about the chances for getting sheets, other sail controls, and even your own tether snagged and tangled up in this web.

Warren doesn’t give any details of how many ropes were used, or where they were attached, but I presume they’d have to be strung from coaming to coaming, which might even be higher than waist level on some boats. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has ever tried this trick, and how it worked out practically. Meanwhile, I’m highly skeptical, despite the authoritative recommendations.

Today’s Thought

They were suffered to have rope enough till they had haltered themselves.

— Fuller, Holy War

Tailpiece

I want to know

How fireflies glow.

Do they carry

Little Exides

Slung beneath

Their tiny bexides?

(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)

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Excellent taste in boats

22.10 in an, Boat Plans, boats, disagreement, down, excellent, experts, explosive, from, in, tale, taste, the, under, with

CAMPION MARINE is a Canadian boat manufacturer that seems to be doing just fine in a difficult market. Campion has been making recreational boats for more than 40 years in Kelowna, British Columbia, and now sells its products practically all over the world, even in China.

But what interests me most about Campion (which, incidentally is Canada’s biggest fiberglass boatbuilder) is the fact that its boats are edible. At least I think they are. In a press release the company proclaimed:

Campion Marine Inc., Canadas largest fiberglass boat builder, is proud to announce that it will become the first boat builder in the world to manufacture all of its boats with Envirez®, a renewably sourced bio-derived resin from Ashland Performance Materials.
Envirez® resin is the first resin that uses a substantial amount of soybean oil and corn derived ethanol in its formulation.
So now, if you run out of food in mid-ocean, you can eat your boat. You’ll have to spit out the fiberglass strands, of course, otherwise they’ll get stuck in your teeth; and the diet of soybean and ethanol may start to pale after a week or two; but at least you won’t starve.
The only decision left to make is: Where do you start eating? Somewhere above the waterline, obviously. Not the cockpit floor, but maybe the coamings. Or perhaps the toerails if your crew wash their feet regularly.
The edible boat ushers in a new era of yachting and I look forward to the first book of recipes. Transom stew. Corn à la Cockpit. Poopdeck Purée. Pintle and Gudgeon Potage. It all sounds so delicious I can hardly wait to buy an old wreck of a Campion and invite my friends to a boat tasting.
Today’s Thought
This has got to be the most expensive food ever laminated.
— Bryan Miller, NY Times, (on Manhattan’s Casual Quilted Giraffe restaurant)
Tailpiece
“Don’t you think he looks like me, nurse?”

“Yes, sir, but don’t let it worry you.  All new-born babies look strange for a while.”

(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)

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